Posts from the ‘Blows My Mind’ Category

Life Update

Hello all!
I hope everyone’s year is going well so far. I’m so sorry for neglecting this blog, even though I promised to write more. I’ve been quite busy the past few months.
I was accepted to a University and taking online beginner courses in Neurobiology. That’s been taking most of my time, to be honest. It’s super fun though and extremely interesting! (Writing this blog is my err….break from researching for my dissertation.) 
Aside from my courses, I have also been doing barre exercises and yoga at usually three days a week. I am finding it makes my body and mind a lot better. I am still having to take my medication, but I find that the two combined helps a lot – even on my off days.
I have been playing my guitar again (yay!) And trying to relearn all the songs I’ve written that I haven’t played in nearly two years. Luckily, I don’t have a concussion this time so I’m actually able to memorise my lyrics. 

I caught up with some family friends I haven’t seen in SO LONG over the holidays and I have planned to go visit two of them out west. Short political opinion insert here – I have decided to boycott travelling to the US during this Presidency and therefore I’m making a Canadian trip to Vancouver for six days, Banff for three and Calgary for six. I’m super excited because I haven’t been out west in about ten years and truth be told, I really miss it. A bonus being I can go hang out with my friends as well while I’m out there! Double score!

So far, I have been having a pretty good year. Already made a short visit to Montreal and hung out with some band friends there (and a bit in Toronto too!)
I hope that you’re having a great year so far and if so, that it continues. If your year has been a struggle so far, I hope it improves for you! 
I’m going to leave you with some photos and see you later!
Cheers!


#GuelphMusicClub Top ______ Albums of 2016(pt. 1)

So I’m going to start posting my top picks for albums that were released this year, in no particular order. As soon as I think I’m finished my list, I remember more so I’m leaving the number of albums blank.

First up on the dockit are 

(The obvious one) Radiohead – A Moon Shaped Pool


Not only did I get to see them live (as I’m sure you know by now if you ever read this blog), but this album was very orchestral and extremely personal. One of my favourite things about Radiohead is that they have influences from across the musical genres and no album sounds the same twice.

Garbage – Strange Little Birds


I have a soft spot for Garbage because they were my first concert wayyy back in ’97 (noticing a theme to this bunch?) and Shirley Manson has been a huge role model in my life. This is probably going to be the “poppy”-est entry on my list, but it provides a wonderful sonic musicscape with heartfelt lyrics that I tend to love a lot.
Nine Inch Nails – Not The Actual Events


I have to say, this is the reason I delayed starting these posts this year. I had to hear it before writing about it obviously and I’m glad I did. It perfectly describes the noise and confusion of the state of the world and introduced Atticus Ross as an actual member of NIN and not just a Reznor collaborator. I fell in love with this band in ’97 as well and thus I do believe it ends my first bunch of favourite albums this year. Stay tuned tomorrow for the next bunch!

Can I Just Give a Big Fuck You?

I wasn’t going to write about it because I’m personally not a fan of ‘Ye’s, but I am SICK of seeing the “Kanye” memes going around right now. He was hospitalised for a mental illness and has been hospitalised for over a week. I’m sick of seeing memes making fun of him for being hospitalised. Sick of people laughing at him having to stay in a hospital longer than “they” (the media) originally thought.  I’m so sick of it.

I’m sick of it because I ended up hospitalised for depression last year. I’m sick of it because I have a friend who was hospitalised get out only to kill herself. I’m sick of it because one of the best people I have ever known is currently in a hospital, TRYING to get better. 
Kanye has said more than one horrible, questioning thing over the years – don’t get me wrong. But I still have sympathy for him. Good for those who carried on touring when they have cancer – whether it’s Gord Downie or Lenny or whomever. Kanye was hospitalised and his tour was cancelled because he fell into “threat to himself or others”. If Gord Downie was hallucinating and trying to kill his band members, he would have also been pulled from touring. 
I’m sick of people thinking people who suffer from mental illness are so laughable as the ill push themselves more than they should while people who have cancer are regarded as “brave heroes” for trying to carry on at the best of their ability. 
I’m sick of it.

Bloodclot

The other night, I went to emerg because of my cough and a sharp pain in my chest. I ended up getting a chest x-ray that concluded I have both pneumonia and bronchitis (because just having one would be too easy) and it showed a shape that looked like a bloodclot by my lung.

Queue slight panic attack as they were sticking the iodine dye drip in my arm and walking towards the CT scan room. As I tried to keep things lighthearted with the technician as I got positioned in the machine, the fear and exhaustion by this point had tears spring into my eyes. Naturally, I started thinking about if I DID have a bloodclot, and how if I didn’t catch it, I could have had a stroke or die and that wasn’t really helping the panic going on. Luckily, it ended up just being a bruised rib. I never had thought a sentence like “you may have a bloodclot by your lung” as fear inducing before but it definitely is.
Anyway, I got antibiotics and Ventolin and my cough has subsided quite a bit. The pain is still there but at least it has a chance to heal with the coughing fits minimised. Sucks to be missing out on long walks in the beautiful Autumn weather but I’ve managed to enjoy it a bit with some short walks.
I hope everyone is having a lovely Autumn,
Megan

Falling Behind with Blogging Again

Hello my poor, neglected blog. I know, I said I would write more, both personal blogs and some more of my poetry. I really apologise. I’ve been doing a lot of the soul-searching that I’ve mentioned before, reigniting my passion for learning new languages. 
I’ve also had to cut a “good friend” out. She said highly insensitive and horrible things – becoming what she always said she didn’t want to be, but always was in a way. I would wake up to numerous negative texts from said person and quite frankly, it’s relieving to not wake up to such negativity every day. After blocking her email (she emailed me eight times after she said that she wouldn’t open any of my replies), I got a breath of fresh air. Really. It’s astounding how much one person was weighing me down and how much she played the “My problems are worse” Olympics. I sort of saw it a few months back and I stopped reacting to her negative statements. 

Sorry for airing all of it for all of you, but I considered her a close friend who then used all the insecurities I confided in her against me. I realised through therapy sessions that this is a form of emotional abuse. Everything she wrote me, the constant blocking/unblocking on facebook, it was emotional abuse that I allowed myself to succumb to for a year and a half. 
I am working out as I had started in July and kept up with it, I am learning new languages (French, Irish, Spanish, German, Ojibwe) and I have reached out to volunteer with the organisation here in Niagara Falls that helps new immigrants learn english and learn the “Canadian way”, our customs when it comes to work and all that. I liked doing it last time so it will be fun to continue. Last but not least, I am a Front of House Assistant at the Toronto International Film Festival this year. I had volunteered for four years prior (being promoted to Volunteer Captain the last shift of my first year – something you have to volunteer for two to three years to earn) so I am gladly looking forward to this year’s festival and meeting all the brand new volunteers that my venue brings in (they’re my favourite part of the job).
Anyway, things are slowly looking up and for that I am glad.
Cheers!

Another Chapter

Hello. I should really write a lot more than I have been. I’ve had to move back with my parents, give up the lovely apartment I had in Toronto. Not being able to work because of depression pretty much blows. Moving away from my friends to a place I don’t know anyone in blows even more. So I’m back here. Not really doing much and have a little over a week to decide if I want to go through with the discrimination lawsuit. 
Anyway, to outline some actual positive things –
I’m relearning how to do menial tasks. Like doing dishes and such. 
I’m working out a little bit.
I’m relearning french through Duolingo and have actually gotten to where I am learning things I didn’t know (past level ten French basically). So yep.
Anyway, that’s about it.

5am Wishful Thinking

Just in time to see the sunrise, yet again.

The UK left the EU, I got to watch it unfold all night on twitter and seeing reactions as people woke up. I guess insomnia is good for something?

Speaking of insomnia, I have to rant out a little pet peeve here. I hate when people can get a full eight hours of sleep, but because they can’t fall asleep until about three am, they say they have “insomnia”. Or if they can stay up until 6am, but then can sleep until four pm. That’s not insomnia, your sleep cycle is just inverted. When I say I have insomnia, I mean that I can’t fall asleep into a deep sleep and it never lasts more than an hour or two at a time. Then I’m left exhausted and still can’t fall asleep. Doesn’t matter how long I stay up, I can’t sleep for more than a couple hours at a time. I wish I could oversleep, I really wish I could trade.

Anyway, that dating thing ended up being a stinker. We’re friends now but that’s it.

I’m honestly in a position right now where I don’t know what to do. Do I want to stay in Toronto? Do I want to move to another province (read: BC or Quebec)? Do I want to go get a cabin in the remote woods? I seem to want all of these and I feel whichever option I choose, it won’t be the right one.

I read Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar. Without sounding like a stereotypical “edgy quirky white chick” or what have you *eye roll*, I actually got chills reading that book. Chills because of how eerily similiar everything was. Substitute Toronto for NYC, I was supposed to be having the time of my life and depression crippled me. Or wanting to live both in the city and the country. Or always feeling like a disgarded third wheel when I go out with a friend because they get hit on and I’m left standing at the sidelines. There are a tonne more I read more similiar things, including the self harm on her legs to see if she could go through with slitting her wrists…the list goes on. I read a quick blurb on her and found out that she was born on October 27th and my birthday is the 26th. Not the same but still eerily close. I got chills from that too. Myself and a friend say that I’m Sylvia Plath reincarnated. Ha! The more I read, the more I actually believe it.

I guess that’s it. I’m still feeling like I’m falling backwards into a neverending black hole.