Just in time to see the sunrise, yet again.
The UK left the EU, I got to watch it unfold all night on twitter and seeing reactions as people woke up. I guess insomnia is good for something?
Speaking of insomnia, I have to rant out a little pet peeve here. I hate when people can get a full eight hours of sleep, but because they can’t fall asleep until about three am, they say they have “insomnia”. Or if they can stay up until 6am, but then can sleep until four pm. That’s not insomnia, your sleep cycle is just inverted. When I say I have insomnia, I mean that I can’t fall asleep into a deep sleep and it never lasts more than an hour or two at a time. Then I’m left exhausted and still can’t fall asleep. Doesn’t matter how long I stay up, I can’t sleep for more than a couple hours at a time. I wish I could oversleep, I really wish I could trade.
Anyway, that dating thing ended up being a stinker. We’re friends now but that’s it.
I’m honestly in a position right now where I don’t know what to do. Do I want to stay in Toronto? Do I want to move to another province (read: BC or Quebec)? Do I want to go get a cabin in the remote woods? I seem to want all of these and I feel whichever option I choose, it won’t be the right one.
I read Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar. Without sounding like a stereotypical “edgy quirky white chick” or what have you *eye roll*, I actually got chills reading that book. Chills because of how eerily similiar everything was. Substitute Toronto for NYC, I was supposed to be having the time of my life and depression crippled me. Or wanting to live both in the city and the country. Or always feeling like a disgarded third wheel when I go out with a friend because they get hit on and I’m left standing at the sidelines. There are a tonne more I read more similiar things, including the self harm on her legs to see if she could go through with slitting her wrists…the list goes on. I read a quick blurb on her and found out that she was born on October 27th and my birthday is the 26th. Not the same but still eerily close. I got chills from that too. Myself and a friend say that I’m Sylvia Plath reincarnated. Ha! The more I read, the more I actually believe it.
I guess that’s it. I’m still feeling like I’m falling backwards into a neverending black hole.