Posts tagged ‘stigma’

Can I Just Give a Big Fuck You?

I wasn’t going to write about it because I’m personally not a fan of ‘Ye’s, but I am SICK of seeing the “Kanye” memes going around right now. He was hospitalised for a mental illness and has been hospitalised for over a week. I’m sick of seeing memes making fun of him for being hospitalised. Sick of people laughing at him having to stay in a hospital longer than “they” (the media) originally thought.  I’m so sick of it.

I’m sick of it because I ended up hospitalised for depression last year. I’m sick of it because I have a friend who was hospitalised get out only to kill herself. I’m sick of it because one of the best people I have ever known is currently in a hospital, TRYING to get better. 
Kanye has said more than one horrible, questioning thing over the years – don’t get me wrong. But I still have sympathy for him. Good for those who carried on touring when they have cancer – whether it’s Gord Downie or Lenny or whomever. Kanye was hospitalised and his tour was cancelled because he fell into “threat to himself or others”. If Gord Downie was hallucinating and trying to kill his band members, he would have also been pulled from touring. 
I’m sick of people thinking people who suffer from mental illness are so laughable as the ill push themselves more than they should while people who have cancer are regarded as “brave heroes” for trying to carry on at the best of their ability. 
I’m sick of it.

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“…And Here is the Portrait of the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend”

Therapy. Talking. It’s supposed to make you feel better, isn’t it? Well, for me all it does is kick up all the long since settled dust in my brain and then long after the chat is over, my mind dwells and I get that horrible pit in my stomach. And I can’t sleep. No matter how many sleeping pills I take, my mind starts kick-kicking all the dust of everything up so my mind starts cycling through and the anger and the pit in my stomach, it all returns.

It’s all the “wish I coulda” said or did.

It’s finding out that what you thought was just a figment of your mental illness actually ends up being true.

It’s finding out that that last serious boyfriend in that “not bad” relationship actually was being extremely emotionally abusive – which then fed that mental illness into trying to conquer all and win.

That’s usually followed by too much alcohol, not enough sleep and a completely huge freakout wherein I then become “the crazy ex-girlfriend”.

I read a saying one time that you can never trust a man who calls his ex-girlfriends crazy, it shows more of a problem with his attitude than his exes.

I’m making a warm tea, decaf. Maybe this will tire that cyclone in my mind.